You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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