You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think people are normalizing furries
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
