I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
