I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
