Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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