I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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