so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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