I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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