I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
