Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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