How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
