I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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