were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i've created a new STD.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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