Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I want a musical about memes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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