Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
