I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
