Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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