i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
