A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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