im having a threesome with these popsicles
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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