but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
