A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
