just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
