just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
