just tell him i said nine months
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
