Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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