If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
