My room smells like vodka and shame
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
