I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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