I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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