bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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