Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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