I think I died a long time ago.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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