i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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