to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
