think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
