Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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