My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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