His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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