the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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