I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
