Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
