I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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