these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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