Even the bartender felt bad for me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
