Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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