the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
