woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
