Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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