Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
