Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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