i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
