it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
