I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
