I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
