Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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