he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
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Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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