I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my being single is dangerous.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
