There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
