dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's rum buckets o'clock
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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