Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
