is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
