it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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