Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
