What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Screwed.edu
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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