you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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