uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
