East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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