People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
